from the teacup

sometimes I feel a lot older than 24. tonight would be a great example: I'm snuggled up on the couch with food network and a cup of tea, a half-crocheted scarf, and a sleepy kitten. waiting patiently for hubby to come home.

there are days when I really miss the college lifestyle. friends and loves always in reach. beverages. video games and satc marathons. laughter. dancing. more beverages...

but "real life" has it's high points too. financial independence. time for hobbies like baking and photography. a sense of accomplishment. the friends are still around. so is the laughter. and love. real, adult, this is it, forever love.

and tonight, I'm 100% content to be right where I am :)

so much in my head today...

the past few weeks have been pretty crazy. and, well, not so great. I've been stressed out, and rediculously busy, and starting to get sick, and just feeling... off.

something pretty outrageous happened last week, a cumulation of several things that have been going on. at first I was just in shock, then so angry I knew I needed to wait before trying to address the issue, and then I started overanalyzing it until I was so confused that I just did nothing.

the way I deal with things is probably not very healthy. if I don't confront something, I internalize it and pain myself with it until I am miserable. NOT healthy. but it gets dealt with by my own rationalizations, no politics involved. I hate politics. and honestly I don't know what anyone else could have done with this specific problem. other than created a huge mess involving many people and at the end I would not be the injured party but the bad guy.

then I started feeling sick. probably caused by stress. I didn't run the 5k this weekend. I feel kindof guilty. but there was just no way it was going to happen. BUT Luke and I signed up to run an 8k in Philly the weekend before Thanksgiving. a little longer race but I've got 55 days to train for 5 miles. Matt is visiting that weekend and going to run with us. or should I say: leave us in the dust. I have never run an 8k before so I have no idea what to expect or what to compare it to. all I know is I need to stay healthy, keep running, and learn how to deal with excercising in the cold. guess I'm going shopping for running tights.

so the last month has been crazy. my running and health sort of fell off (and maybe my sanity?) and so did my photography. in quantity at least. it's depressing when you don't have time to do something you love. though my day at the orchard produced some great shots, and I recieved an overwhelming amount of positive feedback. at least 10 people have told me I should quit my job and become a photographer. true, these are my friends and relatives, not people with professional experience in the photography field- but it's still nice to hear. so thank you :)

lots of other stuff... but let's just save it for another day.

runner girl

I woke up early this morning and ran before work. the "big race" is this saturday. my first real 5k in probably 5 years. of course last week I was slacking in my training. right when it matters. I missed wednesday and saturday's runs and skipped all my cross training. but work was just too much. honestly, I think running around a plant for 8 hours can be distilled down into a 30 minute run. I was ready to quit and just not do the run. everyone else from my office dropped out, we don't even have a team anymore. just me.

but then I got a letter from my Dad. running, in one way or another, was always a big part of our relationship. he was excited when I told him I was running again and training for a 5k.  in the letter, he wished me luck in the last of my training and sent me a sticker. a little stick figure with a ponytail that says "runner girl". it's so cheesy but it's so him. one thing I have grown to appreciate more and more and I get older is my dad's sense of humor. I love it. and the sticker means a lot more than just a sticker. he is proud of me. and that is a huge boost of motivation. the best I could ask for.

so I decided to train the best I can with the time left, and run the race anyway.

the perfect saturday

today was far from perfect. but I am refusing to focus on that right now. why? because this weekend was amazing. specifically saturday. I got to do all the things I love: be outside, bake, spend time with friends, have a beverage or two, watch sports, eat some amazing food, and of course take tons of photos.

Jess came down from NYC in the morning to help me bake more apple-shaped cake pops. I am seriously obsessed. they are just so darn cute I want to make them every day! I will refrain from posting a billion cake pop photos, since I already have a whole post on them. ok well until I make something other than apples.

Juan Gabriel came up from Philly and the 4 of us went over to the local orchard. they were holding a fall festival this weekend, specifically for apples. hence, more apple cake pops. we got some amazing caramel apples and played in the corn maze.

ok to be more specific, Jess and I took 2348762986492 pictures in the corn maze. it was just too fun not to. I really enjoyed hanging out with someone who is almost as photo-obsessed as I am. almost.

it was also just nice to see a familiar face. and fun to run around the orchard like idiots. laughing and running, doing cheesy poses for photo purposes, and just enjoying the day.

the boys picked apples... they were a little picked over  (ha ha) but we got a good amount. Luke and I are going to make applesauce. his family's secret recipie.  :)

we didn't get a pumpkin, but I think I'll have to go back for one. I really want to make toasted pumpkin seeds! and I haven't actually carved a pumpkin in a while.

eventually we made it home to watch the end of the State game... not so great. but we did have an amazing dinner with the most delicious soy-garlic-brown sugar-sriracha-lime skirt steak. and then we watched Dirty Dancing with some hot apple cider and rum. perfect end to the day.

and sunday morning for breakfast, I had apple pie :)

sorry... apple pie with Wisconsin cheddar cheese. melted. yummmmmmm.

with ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable

I did two very difficult things today that I have been putting off for fear of failing.

I achieved both goals :)

Beatles & a bad day

I've been doing a lot of driving around for work and, listening to the Beatles. they make a great sing-along-in-the-car band. feel-good music that gets stuck in your head. so much that it inspires you to make little art projects... more on that later.

today was a long and stressful day. and while things could have been worse, they were moderately bad. to the point where I am blindly pessimistic and defeatist. 

then I came home to Luke. he told me to pick out a GOOD steak place for dinner, because he was taking me out. and as tired as my feet were, I put on my stilettos and strutted out the door on his arm. there was a 45 minute wait. instead of complaining or going to another crowded place... we sat at the bar, had a drink and an appetizer, and some good conversation. my mood was completely changed. we had some amazing food. we flirted and made googly eyes at eachother. the waiter interrupted our thumb war. and there was zero hesitation in ordering the flourless chocolate cake for dessert.

so the good food and a glass of wine certainly helped, but truly what salvaged my day was love. and when you've got that, even if you've got nothing else... you've got it pretty good :)

some amazing advice about photography and life, courtesy of Cheryl Jacobs. photos by me. there's a reason why each photo is with each passage, and of course a story. maybe someday I'll write them down.

Style is a voice, not a prop or an action. If you can buy it, borrow it, download it, or steal it, it is not a style. Don't look outward for your style; look inward.

Know your stuff. Luck is a nice thing, but a terrifying thing to rely on. It's like money; you only have it when you don't need it.

Never apologize for your own sense of beauty. Nobody can tell you what you should love. Do what you do brazenly and unapologetically. You cannot build your sense of aesthetics on a consensus.

Learn to say "I'm a photographer" out loud with a straight face. If you can't say it and believe it, you can't expect anyone else to, either.

You cannot specialize in everything.

Accept critique, but don't apply it blindly. Just because someone said it does not make it so. Critiques are opinions, nothing more. Consider the advice, consider the perspective of the advice giver, consider your style and what you want to convey in your work. Implement only what makes sense to implement. That doesn't not make you ungrateful, it makes you independent.

It's easier to focus on buying that next piece of equipment than it is to accept that you should be able to create great work with what you've got. Buying stuff is a convenient and expensive distraction. You need a decent camera, a decent lens, and a light meter. Until you can use those tools consistently and masterfully, don't spend another dime. Spend money on equipment ONLY when you've outgrown your current equipment and you're being limited by it. There are no magic bullets.

Learn that people photography is about people, not about photography. Great portraits are a side effect of a strong human connection.

Never forget why you started taking pictures in the first place. 

Excellent technique is a great tool, but a terrible end product. The best thing your technique can do is not call attention to itself. Never let your technique upstage your subject.

Embrace frustration. It pushes you to learn and grow, broadens your horizons, and lights a fire under you when your work has gone cold. Nothing is more dangerous to an artist than complacence.

Never compare your journey with someone else's. It's a marathon with no finish line. Someone else may start out faster than you, may seem to progress more quickly than you, but every runner has his own pace. Your journey is your journey, not a competition. You will never "arrive". No one ever does.

lost & found

I've been training for a 5k at the end of the month. I've been blogging about it separately, but today was more than just a run. so it's going here.

Saturdays are my mileage runs. today was 3 miles, the longest I've run since the official start of my training. I decided to head over to the local park and run on their trails through the woods, taking my trust ipod equipped with nike+. this handy device tracks my time and my mileage (though the calibration is off so I actually run farther than it tells me) and announces milestones during your workout so you don't have to keep looking at the screen, you can just run.

I started off on a gravel path along the lake, thinking it would circle around. I found myself too soon at the end of the gravel, but there was a dirt hiking trail that went into the woods. it was great, just me and the trees. and some roots and a little rain.

.5 miles completed

I kept going deeper into the woods and the trees got thicker. The trail went uphill. and downhill. it crossed with other paths and I tried to take the ones that wouldn't dump me in the lake. it started getting muddier and the underbrush grew in on both sides. I had to work harder to concentrate on avoiding roots and encroaching branches. I almost tripped over a turtle. I was starting to get a little worried when I saw a break in the woods and the trail led me out to a field of tennis courts.

1 mile completed.

I followed the trail through the field and it ducked into the woods again. a few steps later it ran into paved trail that skirted the woods. I saw a few trails leading off back into the woods, but they were leading back in the direction I had come from. the pavement took me over a river on a small bridge, and into a picnic area parking lot. I decided to loop around and head back, taking one of the side trails off into the woods.

halfway point. 1.5 miles remaining.

this is what I had been waiting for. I was past the wall. I was running. and I was enjoying it. adventure and peace all at the same time. then I realized, I was on the wrong side of the river. I went a little further, hoping for a bridge... but instead the trail twisted completely away from the river. I turned around and headed back toward the paved trail.

1 mile remaining.

I crossed back over the bridge and the river, and took the next track back into the woods. this trail was more narrow than any that I had been on. and definitely more muddy. it followed the river for a while, then started twisting away in the direction of the tennis courts. the growth got thicker on either side, and I got a few scratches as I ran through a section of thornbushes. the land dipped down and things got muddier. my foot slipped and I wound up ankle deep in mud. but I kept going.

.5 miles remaining.

the trail twisted back towards the river... uphill... downhill... through another mudpit... duck under this branch... jump over that log... I felt like I was back in cross country. maybe extreme cross country. running on a muddy hiking trail. I even had to stop and walk on a branch over a giant mudpuddle. not even joking.

400 meters remaining.

the area around me started to look familiar. I broke out of the woods onto a field. there was a huge grassy hill on the back of the tennis courts that I flew down. I rounded a court and saw where I had come out of the woods earlier in my run.

300 meters remaining.

I went back into the woods and down the trail. the path diverged and I went right. oops. I don't think that was the way I came in. the trail split again and I went left. paths were crossing eachother all over the place, I gave up trying to remember where I had come from and just kept running.

200 meters remaining.

then the trail started to drop. great. I was running downhill, on a water-rut filled rocky path, that was covered in mossy roots. now was not the time to sprain an ankle. I reached the bottom and the trail twisted toward the river.

100 meters remaining.

the trail turned back and of course, uphill. oh well. no one ever said this was going to be easy.

congratulations. you have completed your 3 mile workout.

ha. I was still over a half mile from where I had parked. and in a completely unfamiliar area of the woods. but I had finished. it was difficult and dirty, but I finished. and... I actually enjoyed myself.  just me and some nature... and my nikes

and some mud....

apple cake pops

I made these a while back, but a friend just asked me for the instructions. I figured why not post it here while I was typing it up, and I may as well add all the photos I took. credit for the idea goes to Bakerella

Here's what you need to make 1 batch (35- 50 depending on how large you make them):

- 1 box of cake mix, any flavor

- other ingredients needed to bake the cake (usually eggs and oil)

- 1 can of frosting that works with your cake flavor

- 1 bag of red candy melts, white/vanilla if you are going to mix your own colors (make sure to use CANDY coloring if you do)

- a ceramic or glass bowl for melting candy in (if you don't have something already)

- shortening/ Crisco

- 4" paper lollipop sticks

- tiny pretzel sticks for stems

- green sprinkles or taffy for leaves (see below)

- wax paper

- a big styrofoam block

 

Bake the cake in a 9 x 13" pan according to the directions on the box. I used white cake mix and added some nutmeg and cinnamon, but any flavor should work as long as it doesn't have chunks of nuts or fruit or chocolate in it.

 

Let the cake cool completely. You could even let it set overnight if you don't have 6 hours to do all this in one day. You can also prepare your decorations ahead of time... for the stems, break off 1/2" of a pretzel stick. If you are obsessive like me, just use the rounded ends and snack on the extra. Otherwise beak up the whole stick into little stems. For the leaves, I used giant star sprinkles.  Bakerella used giant diamonds. Some people posted that they used actual leaf-shaped sprinkles, or even green laffy taffy cut into little leaves. They would probably still be cute even if you just had stems.

 

Crumble the cake into a large bowl. The smaller the crumbles the better. Mix in about half the jar of room temp frosting. Bakerella calls for a full jar but it really depends on how moist your cake already is. Add more if you need it.

 

Use the back of a wooden spoon, NOT a hand mixer. You want the mixture to be about the same consistency as cookie dough, moldable but not mushy, able to hold its own shape but not too dry.

 

Line a baking sheet with wax paper. Scoop some "dough" and roll it into a ball about 1" in diameter. To make it apple shaped, you want it smaller at the bottom than the top, flattened at the bottom, and a dimple in the top. kindof like a squashed heart shape that's been squared off... you'll figure it out after you've tried a few. Fill up the sheet and stick it in the freezer to firm up.

 

This is when you start melting your candy. I used white and colored it myself so I could have red and green apples, but they sell red candy melts. Wilton's are the best kind. They make candy-specific coloring... don't use regular food coloring or you will ruin the candy! Also, watch out because it stains. Whether you mix your own colors or use the pre-colored candy, you should only melt half the bag at a time. Be careful not to over-microwave it because it will get dried out. DON'T add water if this happens. Use the shortening. It will thin the candy out and also help when you start dipping.

 

Pull your apples out of the freezer. You can pre-poke little holes for the stems if you like, then turn them all upside-down. Dip the end of a lollipop stick about a 1/2" into the candy. Then stick it into the apple, a little over halfway. There should be a little puddle of candy around the stick. Put the sheet back into the freezer for about 10 minutes. Don't keep it in too long or your dough will freeze, and crack your candy coating when it thaws out.

 

Take the apples out again. Zap your candy one last time and stir it up good. Dip the apples in the candy to coat them, tapping off the extra candy. Tap gently or the apples will fall off the stick! While the candy is still wet, insert your pretzel stem and leaf. Then poke the stick into the styrofoam block, making sure the pops don't touch each other while they dry.

 

ta-daaa! adorable and easy! I can't wait to make more :)

 

and a perfect use for the leftover candy melts and pretzels

rule #5: nothing is original

more blogging. I'm apparently obsessed. or just have a lot on my mind lately. I realize that nothing I say is particularly revolutionary or interesting. I just like to blog. it gives me a space to throw all my mental turmoil, where I can edit it into something that makes rational sense. a little like cooking spaghetti in reverse: it starts as a mushy, messy sometimes sticky tangle... then things firm up and each line is drawn straight and clear. well, most days.

anyway, I stumbled onto this quote the other day and fell in love:

Rule #5: Nothing is original.

Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, street signs, trees, clouds, bodies of water, light and shadows. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work (and theft) will be authentic.

Authenticity is invaluable; originality is nonexistent.

And don’t bother concealing your thievery—celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean-Luc Godard said:

“It’s not where you take things from—it’s where you take them to.”

--Jim Jarmusch

I know that whatever I type, someone has typed it before. my issues are not special or unique, my outlook on life is not profound, and I'm sure there is some other lunatic out there who writes with the same ridiculous combination of run-on lists of descriptive phrases, alliteration, (usually) correct grammar and spelling, but horrible punctuation and capitalization. and fragments. for emphasis.

as far as photography goes, there are only so many objects to shoot, and only so many ways to shoot an object. if there wasn't something to inspire you, you would never even take the photo.

the quote comes from an article Jim Jarmusch wrote about film making, but I think it can be applied just about anywhere. (full article here) love love love this quote. I'm certainly not the first to say that. and definitely not the last. but I do. so I'm proud to say that, and proud to be stealing this quote that will now reside at the bottom of my page.

shutterbug

I am dying for a new camera. I love my little point-and-shoot, but I'm starting to reach the limitations. I need a DSLR if I'm going to go much further. I know exactly which one I want too: boosh. Canon EOS Rebel Xsi. Canon because I love my baby Cannon, and because just about everyone out there agrees the best cameras are either Canons or Nikons. I could get a Nikon SLR for less, but if I'm going to spend $500+ on something, I want to get what I want. and this is what I want...

lust.

oh, if only I had a few thousand dollars kicking around! then I could justify dropping $700 on this bad boy. rent comes first. car payments. wedding. food is kindof important too. sigh. everything revolves around money... money that I don't have. I would probably need a photography class or two. it wouldn't hurt.

I've actually been looking around and found a few websites that will sell your photos for you. you load them up and people buy them as "stock images" for catalogues and brochures, advertisements and websites and all that jazz. you only make money if someone downloads your image, and you get about 12-50 cents per dl. oh, and you have no control over how the image is used once it's downloaded. I don't like that.

I could see some of my work as "stock images"... I take a lot of nature and food photos, and I lean towards simple composition with strong colors. in fact, a few of my things have already been 'stolen' off of Flickr and posted in blogs:

here

and here

and here too!

but a lot of my stuff is a little too unusual or personal. OH and they like stock images with people in them, and that is something my portfolio is severely lacking. I have a few lame self-portraits, but no way in hell am I letting those be plastered all over who knows where.

but, I'm not sure where I can come up with the extra funds to buy the thing. selling my existing stuff as stock images would be pretty easy, but there's no guaranteed profit. maybe I should get a weekend job. did I really just type that?? I must be crazed if I would consider working more than I do just to look through this...

so pretty. and Best Buy has to be a big tease and offer no interest for 18 months on purchases $400+. that's right, for just $40 a month I could own this baby now and be paid off by the time interest would kick in.

OR I could afford an engagement photo session. OR a DJ for the wedding. OR a hotel shuttle for the guests. OR plane tickets for the honeymoon... or home for Christmas. maybe I should start buying lottery tickets...

it's fall

I woke up this morning and could feel it in the air. the kind of chill that will last through the day, despite the sun. the kind of chill that makes it impossible to get out of a warm cozy bed. the kind of chill that makes you want to dig out your sweaters, even though you can't bear the thought of long sleeves yet.

September 1st. Luke has his "first day" of school. the kids won't be there for another week, but it's the official start for teachers. they all had a barbecue on sunday and I made apple-shaped cake pops. how appropriate.

the summer seemed so short. alll the heat was packed into a short span of 8 weeks in July and August, and now it's gone. I'm not ready to pack away my sundresses yet. I haven't had a chance to break in my fall shoes. I never even got a tan this year!

but fall will bring other things. football. hoodies. the smell of leaves. apple cider. visits and visitors. cuddling in bed with a good book and a cup of tea (and a kitten or two). I can trade in my flip flops for my brown boots... oh, how I missed my boots! Luke and I will find out what "normal" life together is. things will finally run on a schedule... I just LOVE when things are orderly. things at work will be crazy, but, things at work are always crazy. fall just means the production kind of crazy.

ready or not, fall is here.