back to the future

I just flipped through the Victoria's Secret catalog that arrived in my mailbox this weekend. I think perhaps it was mailed 20 years ago and arrived a little late. [the postal service in Jersey isn't very reliable] in recent times, they had started to get away from their "too sexy" faux pas... but it appears for this issue they decided to wind the clock back a decade or two.

the pages were rife with animal prints, plunging necklines, and lace where it doesn't belong. [more so than usual, I mean] the level of midriff, neon tshirts, manly suits, sandblasted denim, boyfriend sweaters, army print, and halter top was astronomical. there may or may not have been some shiny silver oversized hooker hoop earrings hiding behind all that teased hair. the eyebrows were starting to look a little overplucked. I even spotted a few sequins. and maybe a fake Cindy Crawford beauty mark.

next thing you know, we'll be seeing the scrunchie make a comeback.

on airports and flying

the truth is, I actually love traveling by air.

friday, I had to fly up to New Hampshire for the day, for work. I arrived at the airport an hour and a half before my flight left. I was already checked in, already had my boarding pass. I like to be organized about these things.

the security line was practically non-existant. I tossed my bag on the belt and plopped my boots in a bin. walked through the metal detector [no body scanners in Philly yet] and out the other side. check the monitor to confirm the gate and no delays. stop to grab a bagel and coffee, a little snack for the flight, and proceed to the gate.

I love people watching in airports. walking past all the gates, seeing the people, the destinations. I like guessing people's stories. the businessman flying to Boston for the day. the family headed to Orlando to escape the chill and experience a little Disney magic. the wife on her cell phone with her husband, finally able to get home to Charlotte after 2 days of snow delays and canceled flights.

I had an hour before boarding time, thanks to quick traffic and no security line. not a problem, since I also had a book. some quiet time alone with a cup of coffee to read... is actually a real pleasure for me. too often, when I am at home, I feel like I should be doing something "productive" rather than sitting and reading all afternoon. part of the problem is that I have trouble starting and stopping when I read a good book. I like to just sit and read from cover to cover. I'm a quick reader, but it still means 4-8 hours of time.

so, waiting for and traveling by plane, are two times I love. because it's basically uninterrupted reading time. I've been saving one of the books I got for Christmas, because I knew this trip was coming. I made it most of the way through during the trip there and back, and finished it up yesterday morning.

and now? I've temporarily been sucked into an internet black hole, while attempting to clean and do laundry. and I'm trying hard to continue productivity, and not be too tempted to pick up the next book in the series and keep reading.

maybe after dinner, while I finish laundry...

week four: tape and paper

this week, my baking blog turned one year old. I decided to put on my crafty-nerd pants and make myself a paper birthday crown and some accessories.

[tangent: as I was cutting and taping, Husband told me "you are going to be such a good mother" because of "all the fun crafty things you can do". we are still 5 years away from the consideration of children, but it's nice to know he has faith in my future mothering abilities. some days I doubt I can take care of myself, let alone another life form. oh wait, the cats! ok, so I can handle 2 small furry creatures.]

this photo was not actually what I was going for with the shoot, but it was the one I ended up liking best. in fact, the whole thing was a little ridiculous. I was fighting off attention-needy kittens, the crown kept sliding off, and trying to hide the remote while keeping the props-on-sticks facing the camera was more difficult than planned. the lighting... let me just say: I miss my loft with 15 ft of windows. [even with the obnoxiously high heating bills] it's blurry, but everything that turned out in focus just looked awkward. and sometimes I just like blur better.

this one's grown on me though. I'm in a dark-vintagey-faded-with weird undertones processing phase. [I blame winter. just wait until spring, your eyes will be burning from all the bright, supersaturated colors.] [I bet you are also getting tired of tangents in parentheses too, huh?] and for some reason I look like I'm laughing. not just awkward-smiling. plus, if you crop out the left side of the photo and the #1, I kindof look like a fairy princess.

I'm just gonna go with it.

seven months of laughter

 today, I have been married for seven months.

when I first got my wedding photos back, I wasn't crazy about this one. 

we both have squinty-eye wrinkles. my nose is just... weird.

and my hair is half frizz half hairspray trying to combat frizz.

but now I get it. this is the real us.

imperfect. awkward. laughing our asses off.

I don't know what was happening at the time of this photo.

not because the day was such a blur I don't remember anything...

but because this is how we were the entire time: laughing.

there's a plethora of quotes out there that all basically say this:

the most important quality in someone that you love, is that they make you laugh.

I can tell you from my experience, it's true.

week three: morning light

week three. the challenge was 'morning'. 

this turned out a little more risque than I planned, so I'm not posting to the group this week. 

I tried it with clothes on. but bare shoulders just looked so much better than pajamas.

I woke up yesterday to scent of bacon and the sound of Husband making breakfast.

now that's a good morning.

baking blog news

where do I begin? my baking blog. some interesting things have been happening lately.

in December, I created a Facebook page for the blog. I had a pretty good response. apparently, some of my friends had no idea I had a blog. I guess I never made a big deal about it. in fact, for a while I felt pretty embarrassed. but I'm coming to terms with it. there's no reason for me to be shy about something I enjoy doing and happen to be pretty darn good at.

a week or two ago, I decided to list my blog's email address on the actual blog. so people could contact me. about... stuff. I figured it was another way to reach out to my readers.

around the same time, I saw on one of my follower's blogs that she had joined foodgawker. foodgawker is this amazing site that I had no idea even existed. it's basically a visual collection of food blog posts. authors or reader submit photos linking to posts, and a panel of photographers review and decide to accept or decline your submission.

I figured it would be a neat way to get more people to notice my blog and my photography. I joined, entered, and had my first 3 submissions declined. they even give you reasons... "low lighting" "depth of field too shallow" etc etc. but then I had an acceptance. within 24 hours, that single submission generated hundreds of views of my blog. I had no idea that foodgawker was this big of a deal. I was floored. and also thrilled. and so I've started submitting more photos/posts, and in return have received over 1,500 visits (!)

what happened next was likely a combination of listing my email and posting on foodgawker. I received an email, asking if I would sign a photo release so that a recent post of mine could be featured as "image of the day" on their blog. what blog? Gourmet Live. which happens to be the blog for Gourmet Magazine. Conde Nast owned, totally legit, serious publication, Gourmet Magazine. I (of course) agreed. They posted their feature wednesday, and I've been floating around on a little cloud of elation ever since. it hasn't brought me as much in the way of traffic, but it's... awesome.

this is all new to me, but I'm enjoying it so far. to have recognition for your work just feels so good : )

yes.

I love you, Daily Love. And I love that we agree on how a healthy relationship should function.

"The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you,
but to have another with whom you might share your completeness."
- Neale Donald Walsch

week two!

I have so, so much to share about the past few days... things have been insane. in a good way : )

but first, let's talk about this picture: week two! and it's still a self-portrait!

You can't really tell, but I'm sitting on my new dresser. I went to IKEA. I bought a dresser that coordinates with Husband's (the taller one right next to mine). I did a TON of laundry. the laundry pile around here had really gotten out of control. it morphed into a monster. sleeve tentacles would reach out to trip me any time I walked by. but the beast was tamed, and I filled the dresser up. and now I can actually see the floor of my bedroom. and navigate my closet a little better, now that it's not so overcrowded.

I still need to figure out exactly what works best where, but for now things are put away and it's clean! huge step of progress. so that's why I'm all smiley and proud, hanging out on my dresser.

(uh, and I think I need to paint or at least hang something on that wall... so empty!)

in honor of today

“I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.” 
                                                                                                     MLK

my feeds are full of MLK quotes today, but this one really jumped out at me.

I'm overdue for some photo edits and postings, I know. the past few days have been spent in much-needed productivity and (semi) disconnection from the technological world.

trust me, the laundry monster needed to be put back in its cage.

I'm so excited

yesterday, we got some news that we have been waiting for. for a long, long time.

no, we are not having a baby.

Verizon announced... that the iPhone is finally, FINALLY coming.

for the past few years, our friends have all been making compromises, while we held out hope.

they've either joined up on ATT to get the iPhone, or settled on a Droid.

I'm sure the Droid is lovely. many people who I know have it, love it.

(some of these people are also PC users plagued by viruses.)

I made the switch to a macbook in fall 2008 and I'm still convinced that Apple works better for me.

once you go mac, you never go back?

anyway, I'm ready to have my entire world linked up into one little gadget that's always in my pocket, with an easy and intuitive Apple system.

Husband and I will both be turning to the dark side, approximately 1 month from today.

YES.

love and hate, hate and love

I have a love/hate relationship with Sunday nights.

I love them for what they are: completely relaxing. routine. comfort. the sound of a scratching pen, turning page, sigh... as Husband grades papers on the couch. the warm, smokey scent of a cracking fire. a cold beer in my hand and the warmth of a good meal in my stomach. the sleepy hazy tingle of a slight buzz spreading through my veins. a good book. a soft chair. a fuzzy blanket. my favorite sweatshirt (stolen from Husband 5 years ago and never returned). playoff football and the usual whateverelse on tv. an hour long phonecall with my Mommy. the clink-clink-clink of clothes tumbling in the dryer. tap-tap-tap-tap of fingers on the keyboard. a warm kitten snuggling in for a nap.

all these small things that I love... will be gone as soon as the week begins. and that's what I hate about Sunday nights: they lead to Monday mornings.

Christmas shopping and self-discipline

I love the store Anthropologie. but I try not to go in there too often, because it seems that every time I do I find the most perfect item. at a most out-of-my-budget price. more on that in a bit...

I actually did some Christmas shopping at Anthro this year. I found three perfect gifts in a matter of minutes. (I may or may not have also bought myself a sweater while I was gift shopping.) I just love when you see something and it screams out the name of who is should belong to. and now that everyone's opened their gifts I can finally share...

for my dear friend, who has dreamed of moving to NYC her entire life.
and is finally within sight of it becoming a reality...

for the sister who wants a statement necklace
that doesn't make too much of a statement...

and for the friend who needs a friend for her invisible dog
(though I actually know a few people who would have enjoyed this little guy)...

Anyway, I made the mistake of going back in the other day.
hanging up in the front of the store was this beauty:

the website photos don't do it justice. the flowy fabric, the soft summer colors, the pretty floral print? this would be perfect for a summer wedding. this would be perfect with boots and a cardigan for spring. or even fall. I would normally take one look at the price tag and tell myself to walk away. I don't try on things I know I can't afford to buy, since that's just torture.

the price tag was under $60 bucks! so I tried it on. I was twirling around the dressing room, envisioning hairstyles and footwear, sunny afternoons in Central Park, walks through downtown Princeton, brunch at the Valley Green, weddings and showers and Easter Sunday...

but when I checked the tag to make sure I was taking the right size to the register... $168 was staring back at me. I had, unknowingly, checked the price tag of the belt that was hanging on the rack with the dresses. and though I had fallen in love with the dress, I couldn't make the splurge. so I had to walk out empty handed.

so now, I've decided to come up with a savings system for myself. I can buy the dress... after I 'earn' the money by taking in lunch for work instead of eating out. (yes, many people do this to actually save money, not spend it. but I'm hoping this will get me in the habit and eventually lead to actual savings. maybe)

the secret is, it's all love.

here we are, a week into the new year, and I haven't yet made a resolution. I've been reflecting on the past year and trying to make sense of it all. I'll admit, I was struggling. 

and then I read this post on one of my favorite sites. and it's exactly the thing I've been needing to hear. I've been working on this 'resolution post' for days... writing, deleting, rewriting... trying to find the missing piece. and it fell right into my blogroll. (thank you life, and thank you God, for always sending me what I need when I need it most!)

Even in the struggle, you are loved.
You are being loved not in spite of the hardship, but through it.
The thing you see as wrenching, intolerable, life’s attack on you,
is an expression of love.

There is the part of us that fears and protects and defends and expects,
and has a story of the way it’s supposed to turn out.
That part clenches in fear, feels abandoned and cursed.

There is another part, resting at the floor of the well within,
that understands:
this is how I am being graced, called, refined, by fire.

The secret is, it’s all love.
It’s all doorways to truth.
It’s all opportunity to merge with what is.

Most of us don’t step through the doorframe.
We stay on the known side.
We fight the door, we fight the frame, we scream and hang on.

On the other side, you are one with the earth, like the mountain.
You hum with life, like the moss.
On the other side, you are more beautiful:
wholeness in your bones, wisdom in your gaze,
the sage-self and the surrendered heart alive.

- Tara Mohr from The Real Life

how true is it, that often we fight things that we shouldn't? we hold on to the things that hurt us because they are familiar. we forget that what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. we forget that growth cannot happen without change and we cling to what we think we know. and instead of letting go and fighting through whatever challenge is presented, we just... fight.

sometimes things just happen. life throws you experiences that are difficult, and painful, and overwhelming. in the past few months, I feel like I've been drowning in them. but I'm tired of fighting these experiences with tears and disbelief, with fingers bloody and numb from clutching at the doorframe. I'm ready to let go. I'm ready to let life take me through. I'm ready to learn. I'm ready to change.

I talk so much about love. and day after day, it's what holds me together. but I need to open my eyes and see it's not just in the good things of life. it's in everything. the pain, the frustration, the heartache... everything. this past year has been wonderful and terrible, joyous and sorrowful, full of laughter and tears. I've experienced so much love I thought my heart would burst, and so much pain I feared it would break.

but life isn't trying to break me. life is trying to show me that I'm stronger than I ever thought, and teach me how to recognize the love in every situation. true optimism isn't finding more moments of good in your life. it's finding the good in all situations.

so that's what I resolve for this year, for this moment, for this life: to remember it's all love.

one

well, here we go again. I'm attempting another 52 week project! last year, I started with good intentions but didn't make it. I actually created a group on Flickr and people joined up. I dropped out after 25 weeks (my life was overtaken by wedding and promotion), but one of them (whose cool blog I follow- hi Kim!) actually finished her project! and now, she's the one who started this site and Facebook page. how cool is that?

I'm not officially committing myself to a full year of self-portraits. I'm starting with this one and seeing where it goes. I think that no matter where the lens is pointed, I will still grow form this project and I'm excited to start. I'm trying to be a little more prepared this year. I've started a list of shot ideas, and I think having the website/FB support group will help. and of course, I'll be blogging and posting weekly here : )

this photo: a start. a reminder to focus on one step, one week, one photo at a time.

holiday review

last year when I returned from vacation, I was full of love and full of photos.

this year? not much different.

 

my super cool family. we had a great celebration.

food, laughter, wii marathons. and a lot of mexican dip.

my parents. the older I get, the more I appreciate them.

and the more I realize how like them I really am.

Husband. he's a punk, but I love him.

especially when he humors me and allows photo time :)

the photos are different, but what I said last year still holds true:

"there is so much love in my life. all I can do is open my heart, embrace it, and give it right back."

shiny and new

the first post of 2011. isn't this supposed to be some epic momentous occasion? a new year, a new decade, a new me?

I'm not really in the mood for grandiose declarations of how this new year will be bigger and better and brighter. right now I'm just feeling kindof blah. tired from cleaning the past 3 days. my sleep schedule is off. and my whole body is sore.

and now that I go back and read what I just typed, I'm laughing. my house is clean, and my kitchen is spotless. something it hasn't been in 3 months. and I'm sore... because I ran a 5k yesterday. something I haven't done in over a year. HUGE accomplishments. two days into this year. no wonder I'm tired.

well. maybe it is a momentous occasion, and maybe I am a new me.