sunday morning ritual

sitting here, once again, on a sunday morning. drinking french press, wearing the ever-faithful worn out MSU hoodie that has become my equivalent of a security blanket. staring at a blank screen, wondering what I should say and what I should not.

sundays are always a struggle for me. looking back on the week past, looking ahead to all the things in the week coming. the urge to relax and do nothing vs. the panic to be productive while I have the time. the guilt of not attending church services and disappointing my parents vs. the defiant conviction that going for someone else instead of myself would be meaningless. the need for more mileage vs. sore legs and swollen knee.

but that's just the nature of life. the world is a dichotomy. good vs. evil. male vs. female. the comfort of the familiar vs. the desire to explore the unknown. not just on sundays, but every day.

please excuse the philosophical tangent. back to your weekly recap:

my week started off all bright and shiny, golden sunrises on the way home from the gym and a sense of accomplishment before 7am. I don't understand how I woke up every morning for high school at 5:45am, yet trying to do so now feels near impossible. the alarm goes off and I inevitably try to talk myself out of going to the gym. "I'll run after work instead" sounds great until it's 7pm and you find yourself starving and exhausted and missing socks in your gym bag. I need to be better at remembering how great it feels to walk out of the gym after a morning run. the high you get from a good sweat. the calmness of no one else awake. and that whole not having to take 2 showers in one day thing.

unfortunately my work life had other plans for me. by tuesday afternoon I was clinging to sanity by my fingernails. thank goodness I had a friend at the precipice who also has a weakness for margaritas and gossip and shoe shopping. we left work early [and by early, I mean 5:30 instead of 6:30 or 7] and drowned our sorrows in frozen limey goodness and discount designer shoes. I even bought myself a pair of heels. which I actually desperately needed, since the last time I bought heels was 2008 and I don't actually posses any dress shoes that go with a summer dress. I have an obsession with flats. we can discuss that later.

later in the week I started experiencing knee pain and swelling. my knees are another story completely. to summarize: I had knee problems, thought I was clear, and now it feels like they are back. and with the pain comes a lot of emotional issues.

I was struck with a bad bout of indecision.  keep running and risk hurting yourself further vs. the humiliation of admitting defeat and quitting. I chose to run. I went out and did 5 miles yesterday. I wanted to vomit afterward. it was wonderful. so I rewarded myself with the first Rita's of the season.

as for the rest of the day? I have plans to play around with the little black beauty above. the newest addition to our photographic family. I love my little SD1000 but it was time for an upgrade. Husband is traveling to Turkey for 6 weeks this summer and this is what he'll be taking with him.

also, I have some cream cheese and butter coming to room temp so I can make a batch of these while simultaneously beating back the tentacled laundry pile beast.