I've been doing a lot of deep thinking lately. the kind where you dive inside your brain noodles and don't surface for a while. the kind where you ask yourself the hard questions- the ones sometimes you don't ask because you're scared of the answers [even though deep down you know what the answers are, otherwise you wouldn't be avoiding the questions] but at some point you just have to man up and ask them. those kinds of conversations with yourself are hardly comfortable, but from time to time, they are necessary.
I can get why red pants might not seem to fit with the concept of mental spelunking, but they do.
red pants started to be "a thing" a few months ago. I noticed them on the internet, of course, as one of my favorite bloggers was sporting a pair. I immediately fell in love. I wanted red pants, but assumed I couldn't pull them off. they would draw too much attention. that on me, they would just look silly. I wanted red pants. I thought about how perfect they would be for the holidays. I visualized all the outfits I could make with things already hanging in my closet. I wanted red pants. but I didn't buy them.
in the past few weeks, I've been thinking. about all these things I like or enjoy doing, but never seem to advertise. about why I always try to downplay my interest in photography, or why I never talk about my blog when someone from work asks me for a recipe. about why I have two blogs, carefully separating my personal life from interfering with my cupcakes. why am I hiding the things that make me unique? why am I trying so hard to fit in?
I don't want to suppress who I am anymore, I want to express it freely. I want to embrace it. I want to advertise it. I want to celebrate it.
so, I bought red pants.
and more importantly, I wore them.