deactivated

according to my "timeline", I have been on facebook for just over 7 years. a lot has changed over the course of my experience with the social network. the emergence of the status update. bumper stickers. notes. the riot over the introduction of the news feed. photo album capacity jumping from 60 to 200 and counting. the infamous "like" button.

somewhere along the line, I started wondering why I felt so compelled to join in the throngs of users... hoarding friends I didn't really know, and posting statuses that would get the most "likes" or comments. I did some thinking, and decided to finally take the plunge and stop participating the the popularity contest that my facebook feed has become. I decided to see if the world would fall apart if I wasn't "connected" to everyone, all the time.

I decided to leave.

a few clicks later, I was asked a question:

are you sure you want to deactivate your account?

-insert person name here- will miss you.

[even though you haven't had contact with them in... months.
here's a photo of you with this person, and a link to send them a message.
a message which you won't be able to receive a reply to unless you stay on facebook.
which means you should probably just leave this page and stay on facebook.]

and then, after I scrolled down, I was asked another question:

why are you leaving? [answer required]

I have another Facebook account.
I get too many emails, invitations, and requests from Facebook.
I have a privacy concern.
I spend too much time using Facebook.
This is temporary. I'll be back.
I don't understand how to use Facebook.
I don't feel safe on Facebook.
I don't find Facebook useful.
My account was hacked.
Other

these are obviously the only valid reasons a person would want to leave facebook.
I'm pretty sure if I had selected "privacy concern", a window would have popped up telling me all about the wonderful customizable privacy options of facebook. "I don't understand" would lead to a site tour. "too many requests" sends you to your notification options. etc, etc.

I chose "other", and tried to deactivate. but you aren't allowed to select "other" unless you give an explanation. they want to know the reason you are leaving.

my reason? I want to.

enter your password 3 times and decode a cryptogram, and you're finally deactivated.

[five minutes later they send you an email making sure you know you've deactivated,

and giving you a big easy "reactivate me" button. 

seriously facebook, you're like the ex-boyfriend who can't take a hint. we're done.]