finally.

it's real, it's real, it's really real!

hello, adventure.

to myself : 27

getting ready

saturday morning blogging + breakfast + coffee ritual.

I hate to say it, but I don't think I have too many of those left over here.

last night I had a breakthrough with the Taiwan blog. one of those moments where you realize "I can do this" and then you do and you hi-five yourself for being so awesome. totally a geek moment, but still a victory. the prompt of this celebration? I figured out how to design my own social icon buttons for my sidebar. some free logo downloads [I love the internet] and some photoshop magic... voila! and when they didn't have all the logos I wanted... I literally mocked up my own. and figured out the HTML to get them in the right place instead of being all awkward like my poor little arrows.

I also found an incredible resource for my banner. I had downloaded something previously that was ok, but what I really wanted was something I couldn't legally use. and with all the theft I've had happen to me on the baking blog I couldn't do that. but then. I found this site which is licensed under creative commons [again, I love the internet] and it works incredibly with the vision I had.

I think I'm almost ready to start writing. I know... I don't leave for 3 months and I'm still not done with work... but this design thing just got me all fired up.

I do still have a few reservations. I've been blogging in one way or another for about 10 years now, and even though my blogs were never private they didn't really seem public. other than the baking blog, I haven't really advertised the fact that I write. [and of course the baking blog never got that personal.] it's scary to just go and put ME out there. not my baking, not my photography. ME.

the fear is not necessarily opening up to an indeterminate number of strangers on the internet. it's the people with names and faces that terrify me. the ones who have preconceived notions of who I am and are about to get a slap in the face. a lot of people who "know me" are going to read this blog. people who are going to discover that they actually really don't know me.

but I need to launch this new blog and write openly and freely about my life. because I can't deny who I am anymore, I just can't. I have to write with all the deep thoughts and messy emotions and run-on sentences. I have to wear red pants and whip out my DSLR at embarrassing moments and paint my nails twice a week. I'm not capable of writing some pretty-picture fluffy travel blog. I'm sure Taiwan will bring unicorns and rainbows but I have to write about the cockroaches too.

how will it be received? I'm not sure. but I can't write for them, I need to write for me. so... give me a few weeks to obsess over my first post, and come to terms with leaving this blog and its 3 years of history behind, and we can say our goodbyes and hellos.

some days

some days you have trouble seeing the glass as half full, because it seems closer to all-the-way empty.

so that’s when you need to pour yourself a drink. [sometimes literally, but mostly I mean figuratively.] you need something good to fill you up.

maybe that means coming home on your lunch break to make a salami sandwich and eat it standing at your kitchen counter while you blog out your emotions in run-on sentences. some days you just need to write it out. some days you need an escape –even for a few minutes- to remind you that you are still you. you are not your job or your car or your [how does it go?] khakis. you don't even own a pair of khakis anymore. you're a red pants girl, a mint green happy dance pants girl.

if someone tries to tell you that the pattern on your shirt isn’t olives but ping-pong paddles? you tell them after a few martinis they’ll be olives. what they think doesn't matter, it's your perception of reality you have to live with. so own it. make it yours. fill yourself up with that makes you happy.

besides, it’s your shirt.

click your heels three times

a not-exactly-unexpected trip to Kansas for a funeral. 3 beds in 4 nights. absolutely no cell service... which was actually kindof nice. a whole branch of Husband's family I met for the first time. nothing green to eat in sight that wasn't battered and deep fat fried. a look into the Walker family history and dynamics. lots of well-wishes for our move to Taiwan. some really fantastic steak. and more martinis than I've ever had, ever. [including my first with GIN and I actually liked it. learning to make a good martini just re-escalated itself on my to do list.]