genuine

I've never been a good liar. if I'm excited, you hear it in my voice. if I'm stressed, you know it just by looking at me. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and put myself out there for everyone to see. even if I'm a mess. I can't hide who I am. I can't pretend to be something that I'm not.

the other day I was having a conversation with a friend about a situation that's been bothering me. and I said I didn't understand why it upset me so much, it wasn't really anything to do with my business but it upset me nonetheless. and she said the reason why, is because I'm a genuine person. so persons who are not genuine, who put on an outward appearance of something they are not, who hide what they really are for whatever reason... these people violate my values system. they go against what I believe to be right. and the fact that I'm bothered by it is a good sign. I have strong conviction in my personal morals and beliefs, and won't lower my standards just because someone tries to guilt me into it.

the other point she made, is that while such persons offend me, I am in no way obligated to pursue a relationship with them. there is no reason to put myself in a situation I am uncomfortable with, by forcing myself to try to be friends with someone I disagree with on a basic level. I just don't have to.

it's not that I'm incapable of tolerating these people. I do, in fact, have to tolerate several on a near-daily basis. but if someone asks me to grab a drink or come to an event and I don't want to... I don't have to. trying to create a friendship where there is no basis, trust, or truth will never work. and it isn't being rude to turn down an invitation for something that I won't enjoy. I'm entitled to choose who I associate with and what I do with my life.

how freeing is THAT revelation?