one month without facebook

today marks one month since I deactivated my facebook account.

the other day I was shopping, and at the checkout the cashier asked me if I was a fan of their store on facebook. I told her no, since I had deactivated my account. I was expecting some spiel about missing out on coupons when instead, she praised my choice: "that's awesome, good for you! I bet it feels amazing to have that kind of freedom..."  I told her it did, and I meant it.

there are times when I think I miss facebook because it makes you feel like you're connected to people. up to speed, in the know. but the interactions I've had in the month since deactivating... those connections are more real. clicking a little thumbs-up button just doesn't cut it for me anymore. I want words. I crave conversation. seeing someone's face, hearing someone's voice, or at the very least reading words through text or email that are meant for me, and not for those who will read them.

I think a lot of people fall into that trap on facebook. you don't always say things with complete honesty, because you want to look good. you know that literally hundreds of people will see what you write. so we try to be funnier than ourselves, or more profound. we write what we think they want to hear, try to project an image of ourselves that is not always true. just for the sake of appearances.

thinking about it that way makes me not want to go back. maybe ever.

do I miss out on what's going on in people's lives? yes, but most of what I'm missing are things I didn't care to know in the first place. the people who matter reach out in other ways when there's something to tell.  do I occasionally wish I could creep on those non-important people out of idle curiosity? yes. that's called being human. [don't lie, I know you creep on people too] does not being on facebook keep the people who I don't want creeping on me from doing so? absolutely not. they read this blog, or follow me on pinterest or twitter. [and with all the blogging + pinning + tweeting I've been doing in the last month they have plenty to creep on.]

but without facebook, life seems simpler. it feels a little more private. quieter. less pressure to pretend friendships and constantly compete in the boasting and bragging. a little isolated at times, but in a good way. I get to be alone enough to be myself. what I put out into the world is less influenced. so I think, for the time being at least, I'll stay where I am.

deactivated

according to my "timeline", I have been on facebook for just over 7 years. a lot has changed over the course of my experience with the social network. the emergence of the status update. bumper stickers. notes. the riot over the introduction of the news feed. photo album capacity jumping from 60 to 200 and counting. the infamous "like" button.

somewhere along the line, I started wondering why I felt so compelled to join in the throngs of users... hoarding friends I didn't really know, and posting statuses that would get the most "likes" or comments. I did some thinking, and decided to finally take the plunge and stop participating the the popularity contest that my facebook feed has become. I decided to see if the world would fall apart if I wasn't "connected" to everyone, all the time.

I decided to leave.

a few clicks later, I was asked a question:

are you sure you want to deactivate your account?

-insert person name here- will miss you.

[even though you haven't had contact with them in... months.
here's a photo of you with this person, and a link to send them a message.
a message which you won't be able to receive a reply to unless you stay on facebook.
which means you should probably just leave this page and stay on facebook.]

and then, after I scrolled down, I was asked another question:

why are you leaving? [answer required]

I have another Facebook account.
I get too many emails, invitations, and requests from Facebook.
I have a privacy concern.
I spend too much time using Facebook.
This is temporary. I'll be back.
I don't understand how to use Facebook.
I don't feel safe on Facebook.
I don't find Facebook useful.
My account was hacked.
Other

these are obviously the only valid reasons a person would want to leave facebook.
I'm pretty sure if I had selected "privacy concern", a window would have popped up telling me all about the wonderful customizable privacy options of facebook. "I don't understand" would lead to a site tour. "too many requests" sends you to your notification options. etc, etc.

I chose "other", and tried to deactivate. but you aren't allowed to select "other" unless you give an explanation. they want to know the reason you are leaving.

my reason? I want to.

enter your password 3 times and decode a cryptogram, and you're finally deactivated.

[five minutes later they send you an email making sure you know you've deactivated,

and giving you a big easy "reactivate me" button. 

seriously facebook, you're like the ex-boyfriend who can't take a hint. we're done.]