love what's yours

I went to dinner the other night with friends and we had an interesting conversation. we were talking about facebook and how annoying certain people can be. and how- yes, we admit it- we can be jealous of these people sometimes. "why does she get to go on so many tropical vacations?" or "look at his new car/tv/house..." or "I feel like every day she posts something about how amazing her job is" and we get in the habit of comparing our lives to theirs and it ultimately feels like we are lacking.

but you have to stop and consider a few things. you are only seeing what this person wants you to think their life is like. they have complete discretion on editing things out and adding things in. what they are projecting as their life is only the highlights they choose, not the whole story. you don't know what is going on in the background, or even if what they say is true.

think of it like watching a movie trailer. sometimes the movie looks incredible, and then you realize after you see it that they put all the good stuff in the trailer.

though sometimes, the trailer is spot on. which means you also have to remember we are all individuals with varied capabilities and sensibilities. what is important and meaningful to me might be crumbs to you. we place value differently, measure worth in different coins. even though we both call it blue, the color I see when I look at the sky might not be the same through your eyes.

the point is: the only reliable source of happiness is accepting and enjoying your own life and what is around you. comparing to others can only detract from that. you have to love what's yours. something I've been working to remember and attempting to infuse into my way of thinking.

redecorating

hi kids. it's about that time again... blog redesign time. [for those of you who have been long-time readers, I think I just heard your eyes roll.] it seems like every 4 to 6 months I get the itch to redecorate. and so, I have.

for those of you in google reader, here's what's new:

- I'm back in my pesky courier font phase.

- cute little links for twitter and pinterest. I signed up for a web-based instagram viewing thing a few weeks ago and would add that if I could remember the name of the service and find my account. for those of you with iPhones, I'm @jamiethewalker

- the "followers" box has finally returned. I had someone complain. I feel silly with my meager 9 public followers, but if it makes it easier for people who want to follow to follow... power to the people. feel free to join up or stay anonymous.

- new banner! from one of my favorite photos. taken on a New York City rooftop circa mid December 2009. before I had my DSLR or photoshop. that's one reason why I love it so much... it helps remind me that the tools don't make the photographer.

it also brings to mind a quote, which I will admit, I had to google to find the actual wording and source. I'm not sure I entirely trust the internet to be honest with me today, but as best as I can tell it comes from Albert Camus. and it seems to be wildly appropriate at the moment:
 
in the depth of winter,
I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. 

puzzles

it's saturday morning and I'm sitting here wondering what to write. snow is falling, but not sticking. there's a kitten on my lap. I'm wearing the weekend household uniform of sweatpants and my MSU sweatshirt [stolen from Husband circa 2005] that must be 100 years old by now, but is so broken in and comfortable I think I'll keep it until it unravels.

the mail truck just pulled up. we only check our mail once [or twice if lucky] a week. usually the junk flyers and credit card offer envelopes are stuffed in so tight it all spills out when you try to remove it. I like to think that there are only a few people who truly dislike me in this world, but I know for sure our mailman is on that list.

so the snow is falling, and not sticking, and I'm stalling. because I can't write about what I want to write about. or at least I am choosing not to at this time. and that leads us to the usual cryptic post that says something without really saying anything. it's something that I've danced around for years. someday- hopefully soon- I can get into all the gory details. but for now I can't talk about what it is, only what it feels like.

have you ever had one of those moments where it all just falls into place? you've been fumbling around with bits and pieces for months... years... wondering when things would start to come together. and in a span of a few days and hours, things take shape and the picture becomes clear.

and of course when it does, it doesn't look like you expected. it looks a little scary actually. but that's a good thing. challenges and change lead to growth. and the more you learn the less it seems overwhelming, and the more exciting it gets.

there are moments of sadness for the things you will lose. by choosing the path of one opportunity you can miss others. but there is so much to be gained. more options become available- things you never even considered become possible.

a hundred quotes are flying around my head at supersonic speeds. I could sit here and spout them all day, but let's be honest: I don't have that kind of time and neither do you. so even though this is not the kind of thing you can effectively boil down into one sentence, I find the most appropriate is also one of my old favorites:

on dreams.

well. 

I must be doing something right.

lightning strikes

still trying to get my thoughts in order. 

but until then, here are a few sources of inspiration:

this song.

these pants.

and this Mary Oliver quote:

[which has led me to discover a few incredible blogs]

thank you, Steve Jobs [RIP]

yes.

I love you, Daily Love. And I love that we agree on how a healthy relationship should function.

"The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you,
but to have another with whom you might share your completeness."
- Neale Donald Walsch

in honor of today

“I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.” 
                                                                                                     MLK

my feeds are full of MLK quotes today, but this one really jumped out at me.

I'm overdue for some photo edits and postings, I know. the past few days have been spent in much-needed productivity and (semi) disconnection from the technological world.

trust me, the laundry monster needed to be put back in its cage.

the secret is, it's all love.

here we are, a week into the new year, and I haven't yet made a resolution. I've been reflecting on the past year and trying to make sense of it all. I'll admit, I was struggling. 

and then I read this post on one of my favorite sites. and it's exactly the thing I've been needing to hear. I've been working on this 'resolution post' for days... writing, deleting, rewriting... trying to find the missing piece. and it fell right into my blogroll. (thank you life, and thank you God, for always sending me what I need when I need it most!)

Even in the struggle, you are loved.
You are being loved not in spite of the hardship, but through it.
The thing you see as wrenching, intolerable, life’s attack on you,
is an expression of love.

There is the part of us that fears and protects and defends and expects,
and has a story of the way it’s supposed to turn out.
That part clenches in fear, feels abandoned and cursed.

There is another part, resting at the floor of the well within,
that understands:
this is how I am being graced, called, refined, by fire.

The secret is, it’s all love.
It’s all doorways to truth.
It’s all opportunity to merge with what is.

Most of us don’t step through the doorframe.
We stay on the known side.
We fight the door, we fight the frame, we scream and hang on.

On the other side, you are one with the earth, like the mountain.
You hum with life, like the moss.
On the other side, you are more beautiful:
wholeness in your bones, wisdom in your gaze,
the sage-self and the surrendered heart alive.

- Tara Mohr from The Real Life

how true is it, that often we fight things that we shouldn't? we hold on to the things that hurt us because they are familiar. we forget that what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. we forget that growth cannot happen without change and we cling to what we think we know. and instead of letting go and fighting through whatever challenge is presented, we just... fight.

sometimes things just happen. life throws you experiences that are difficult, and painful, and overwhelming. in the past few months, I feel like I've been drowning in them. but I'm tired of fighting these experiences with tears and disbelief, with fingers bloody and numb from clutching at the doorframe. I'm ready to let go. I'm ready to let life take me through. I'm ready to learn. I'm ready to change.

I talk so much about love. and day after day, it's what holds me together. but I need to open my eyes and see it's not just in the good things of life. it's in everything. the pain, the frustration, the heartache... everything. this past year has been wonderful and terrible, joyous and sorrowful, full of laughter and tears. I've experienced so much love I thought my heart would burst, and so much pain I feared it would break.

but life isn't trying to break me. life is trying to show me that I'm stronger than I ever thought, and teach me how to recognize the love in every situation. true optimism isn't finding more moments of good in your life. it's finding the good in all situations.

so that's what I resolve for this year, for this moment, for this life: to remember it's all love.

this week's mantra

"I am only capable of doing: what I am capable of doing."

this past few weeks has been emotionally, physically, and mentally taxing. at times, beyond my limits. it's hard for me to admit that. but, once you recognize that you are only human and you have limits... it makes not being able to go beyond them feel a lot more comfortable.

Christmas shopping today, I saw an organizer/calendar for Mothers that was literally called "do-it-all". when did we start expecting ourselves to be superhuman? as much as we'd like to tell ourselves we can. we can't. we are human. we need things like sleep and sustenance.

so maybe there are days when I don't accomplish everything that I could, but I take comfort in knowing there will never be a day when I accomplish more than I can.

the prescription for creativity

"Eventually I discovered for myself the utterly simple prescription for creativity: be intensely yourself. Don't try to be outstanding; don't try to be a success; don't try to do pictures for others to look at - just please yourself."

-Ralph Steiner, was an American photographer, pioneer documentarian and a key figure among avant-garde filmmakers in the 1930s

cheers to that.