love what's yours

I went to dinner the other night with friends and we had an interesting conversation. we were talking about facebook and how annoying certain people can be. and how- yes, we admit it- we can be jealous of these people sometimes. "why does she get to go on so many tropical vacations?" or "look at his new car/tv/house..." or "I feel like every day she posts something about how amazing her job is" and we get in the habit of comparing our lives to theirs and it ultimately feels like we are lacking.

but you have to stop and consider a few things. you are only seeing what this person wants you to think their life is like. they have complete discretion on editing things out and adding things in. what they are projecting as their life is only the highlights they choose, not the whole story. you don't know what is going on in the background, or even if what they say is true.

think of it like watching a movie trailer. sometimes the movie looks incredible, and then you realize after you see it that they put all the good stuff in the trailer.

though sometimes, the trailer is spot on. which means you also have to remember we are all individuals with varied capabilities and sensibilities. what is important and meaningful to me might be crumbs to you. we place value differently, measure worth in different coins. even though we both call it blue, the color I see when I look at the sky might not be the same through your eyes.

the point is: the only reliable source of happiness is accepting and enjoying your own life and what is around you. comparing to others can only detract from that. you have to love what's yours. something I've been working to remember and attempting to infuse into my way of thinking.

on being seen.

I'm going through vacation photos and editing not really editing, mostly just deleting. sometimes I get a little freaky going through photos. especially when [as is the case with these vacation photos] I have not been shooting very often recently. and though part of photography is knowing which pictures not to keep, it can be rough trashing 80% of what you jut loaded. sure, they're only vacation snapshots, but how easy it is to slip back into self-criticism and doubt. delete, delete, delete. that's not very interesting. no one wants to see these. delete, delete, delete. should I even bother to post these to facebook? delete, delete, delete. I wish someone would have told me my hair was messed up. delete, delete, delete.

but then I stumble across the above.

not so much that this is some genius work of art. but Husband, he sees me. the potential that's waiting there under the surface, just waiting for me to figure myself out enough to let it thrive. he sees me, better than I see myself.

and though I might not see what he sees, I know that he sees it. this incredible, extraordinary person that I only catch glimpses of. and when you see someone seeing you like that, it's damn hard not to try and be that person they know you are.

maybe that doesn't make any sense. at the very least you can agree that when you're going through and see a shot that Husband so very obviously took, you'll burst out laughing:

more vacation shots and awkward photos of me in my mint green pants to come.

things to love

just a few things to love about this week...

1. we finally went to see the Hunger Games. I was a little put off when I finished reading the series [I didn't really like the last book] but the movie was great! they did a good job of portraying all the violence without it being too bloody. the parts they cut or changed didn't hurt the storyline. I also enjoyed having an outside perspective, instead of just Katniss' point of view.

2. wearing my mint jeans. I paired them with my chambray shirt + a skinny belt. and it made me feel like I had just stepped out of a JCrew catalog. [minus the effortlessly tousled hair... mine refuses to cooperate and just looks overworked. we can't all be perfect.]

3. new iPhone apps for editing photos. Katie always texts me when she finds something cool, and I've been loving CameraBag ever since I loaded it. they have a ton of filters and that's where all my recent polaroid-esque photos are from. I also discovered Phonto and SketchBook from this blog post. [I've recently been obsessed with this blog, if you can't tell from my pinterest boards.] Phonto is an easy to use app for adding text, and they have a TON of fonts and you can customize your colors. I used it in the first photo of my mint pants. Sketchbook is a little more complicated, but it lets you draw on photos! you have to go into layers and import a photo, then you use your finger to doodle. it takes some practice on the iPhone, but I bet it would be awesome with the iPad.

4. making steps to launching the Taiwan blog. I've been playing around with headers and finally settled on this one. I still haven't officially decided when to start blogging... does 4 months before we actually move sound ridiculous? maybe I'll wait until I'm unemployed. that would be 2.5 months before. part of me says I should stop debating and just start it already. but part of me is scared that people will get bored with me posting about home and whatnot and stop reading before I even get to Taiwan. that's something I've thought about a lot. I know I should focus on just writing. the main point of this blog is to keep people updated and to record what's happening in our lives, but I'm overly ambitious. I shouldn't be concerned with growing a large readership, but I'm vain enough to want one. I think my success with the baking blog spoiled me. since I'm giving up my food blogger niche along with my oven, I've been considering what else is out there. "lifestyle" seems to be the genre I'm falling into [which is basically what I do here, unless "iPhone nail photos, irrelevant rambles, and lengthy lists" is a genre] I suppose one way to look at it is: I'm a complicated person, with varied interests and hobbies. why should my blog be limited to one thing? and that is exactly why I've always felt weird having both this and the baking blog. I'm one person, not two. time to merge!

 5. and finally, I'm only a few hours away from officially being on vacation. Husband and I are heading down to NC to meet up with my parents and sister and brother-in-law. hopefully I'll be getting in lots of relaxing + beach time. after this I'll be swamped through my last month of work, and then packing + moving will take over my life. I also decided I'm going to reactivate facebook. [this decision was met by several cheers] hopefully I can keep the obsession to a minimum, and since I cleaned out a lot of "friends" before I left the annoyance can be [mostly] avoided. so yes, reactivating. after vacation.

DIY tiny heart manicure

my nail obsession continues. this tiny heart manicure is inspired by my new earrings, 

these little sprinkles, and [oh yeah] that holiday going on today...

 I love pink + grey together and this was the perfect way to mix up 

 steely power clutch with rosy eternal optomist. [dont you just love that name?]

I used the end of a bobby pin to paint on a tiny heart after my base color was dry. I practiced a few times on a piece of paper and found the best way to shape the heart is by dotting on one rounded bump, then dragging it down for the point. repeat on the other half and add a second coat if your pink is too sheer.

8 years

eight years ago, the night of friday february 13th, I met a boy.

he walked me home from a party on beal street.

and I kissed him, under the beaumont tower.

we dated. we broke up. we dated. we broke up.

he moved halfway across the world.

I moved to another planet called manhattan.

he became a different person, so did I. we grew up.

and it just so happened that those two new people fell in love.

the point I try to make when I tell our story is this:

 that night eight years ago, I didn't meet the love of my life.

I met the boy who would grow into that man.

love is not a static emotion.

the capacity to change creates endless opportunities to grow.

I found someone I can adventure with.

DIY wall art: home state love

the tutorial for this project has been moved! please click here to view the full post.

thanks!

week 47: thankful

thankful for Husband... who will humor my request for a photo shoot in chilly Michigan weather. who will take test shots with me while I wait for the family to assemble. and who will make goofy faces and crack me up the entire time. I kinda like him.

c+c wedding favorites

came home sick from work today and feeling very blah... but looking through c+c's wedding photos put a smile on my face. I love to see the love in these pictures. and while there's room for improvement, I'm damn proud of what I've done. sharing a few favorites as I FINALLY got the drive mailed off the the happy couple this week. feels good to have completed the job, now I'm ready for the next thing.

snakes on a plane

this post really has nothing to do with snakes. just planes.

lately I've been having great luck with my fellow travelers when flying. yesterday, coming home from Colorado, was one of the best flying experiences I've ever had. even though my flight was delayed for 2.5 hours, and we spent an hour of that sitting on the tarmac.

first off, we had a wonderful flight attendant. he was probably the most entertaining airline worker I've encountered, but not in an over-the-top kind of way. he genuinely loves his job, and knows how to do it well. not many people would be able to deliver the message that "no, we aren't about to take off like we just told you... we're gonna be here for another hour" to a plane full of people who were just delayed for an hour and a half and get the response he did. then he spent 90% of the flight chatting with the couple in front of me, in real genuine conversation. I think they are going to lease his son's apartment actually.

the couple in front of me were in their young to mid thirties, lived in Manhattan, and had a baby boy only a few months old. one of the best behaved babies on a plane I've ever seen. time for a little confession: my biological impulses have been acting up lately. I see a mother holding a sleeping bundle to her chest, soft curls on it's head and a tiny fist... a new father, looking at his wife and child with absolute devotion and pride... or even just a woman with glowing cheeks and a rounded belly, smiling to herself. and my heart and my hormones make me feel jealous twinges. [my brain and my bank account however, not to mention my Husband, are set against children for another 5-8 years.]

I've gone off track. the mother in front of me was a very successful producer of some sort at a major tv network. she was happily married and very well off with an apartment in Chelsea and quite an attractive husband, who was successful in his own right. and she said something that made the baby urges hush right up. that while yes, she loved her life and was wildly successful, that she wishes she would have waited. not necessarily to become a mother, or get married. but to settle down. she went right from high school into college, from college into the workforce, and with a career in television her vacations have been few and far between. her only regret is that she didn't take a break from "real life" to give into the wanderlust. that she would have liked to have backpacked around Europe, volunteered in the peace corp, spent a summer lazing around her college town after graduation.

as a result, every two years or so she has to take a long vacation to- somewhere, anywhere - that she's never been in order to quench the thirst. wanderlust. and until her child is grown and she retires in 30 years, she'll never really be free to follow it. this woman has everything. and yet she still has this one giant regret looming over her life.

and in that moment, everything just felt... justified. my plans, our plans. we're doing the right thing. I'm not going to wake up at 35 with a handsome husband and a wildly successful career and a beautiful child and have any regrets. not quite. oh yes, I plan to have everything except the regret. I'm going to give in to the wanderlust before it's too late. I'm going to dive straight into the unknown with open arms, mind, heart. and while I won't shy away from greater responsibilities when their time comes, I won't prematurely take them on because society or anyone else believes I should. I intend to go and live my life in a way that is good for me, my Husband, our relationship, my sanity, and my soul.

and if, in ten years, you find yourself sitting behind me on a plane... feel free to slap me in the face if you hear me say anything other than "I've lived a wonderfully full and happy life, with everything I've ever wanted and even more than I could have imagined."

twenty-four-five-six

a quiet morning with a good book and coffee.

a windblown sunset and a kiss from my love.

an unplanned stop for popsicles and smiles.

it's the little things in life...

week 23: love yourself

week 23 combines the message challenge with something I've been wanting to try out for a while: a mirror self portrait that doesn't show the camera.

[and in case you're wondering... that is not a real tattoo. it's not even a temporary tattoo. it's edited in. I have always wanted a tattoo, but never really knew what to get or where to put it. thanks to pinterest, I've been collecting ideas. currently loving the shoulder placement, obviously.]

the 16 hour flight

our first trip back to Michigan was quite the adventure. Husband was supposed to drive up right after school so that we could catch a train to the airport. he got delayed and we missed the train we had planned on taking. fortunately [?] our flight was already delayed by an hour. by the time we made it to Newark and checked in at the gate, we were delayed by another hour. which meant we missed our connection in Chicago to get back to Detroit.

there were some bad storms rolling through the midwest, so there was a chance our connection might be delayed as well, and we could still make it. if not, we planned to rent a car and drive from Chicago to Detroit. [we had a meeting with a financial planner thursday morning that we could NOT miss] at that point in time our flight would land around 9pm, and after the driving we could make it home around 3am. Luke took a powernap to prepare for the long drive.

of course, the storms grew worse to the west but cleared to the east, so our connecting flight took off from Chicago while we were still waiting in Newark. it got to be late and we decided to take the first flight out in the morning rather than drive. we were delayed and delayed, and eventually took off 5 hours after originally scheduled. we landed in Chicago around midnight and the place was packed. flights all over were delayed or canceled. we called around and were lucky to ring up the Holiday Inn Express just after someone had called from Dallas to cancel their room because their flight wasn't making it. it was literally the last room in the hotel, and quite possibly within 50 miles of the airport.

after 3 hours of sleep, we showered and took the shuttle back to the airport. our flight landed 45 minutes before our meeting, so my Mom picked us up and drove us straight there. we were only 5 minutes late.

it was a long and ridiculous trip, but I didn't mind it so much since Luke was with me. we don't get to spend much time together during the week, and weekends are always full of things to be done. as crazy as this sounds: being delayed in an airport with nothing to do for 5 hours but spend time with each other was actually quite enjoyable. snuggling up together on a plane reminded me of flying for our honeymoon. sometimes it really doesn't matter where you are or what you're doing, as long as you are together.

[plus I got to take a nap in my own bed at home later that afternoon.]

two important things

I believe in hope. that it is the small voice inside that whispers "you can" when all else says "you can't". that is not childish or silly or wrong to hope. that it is absolutely necessary to hope, as much as it is to breathe. that there is no such thing as hoping for the impossible, because as long as you have hope, it is possible. I believe that to give up hope is to admit defeat. that we must always hope, because sometimes hope is the only thing that keeps us going. and that as long as we have hope, there is hope.

I believe in love. that love is so much a part of me it lives deep in my bones. that it is wrapped in my DNA and permeates my soul. that if you open yourself to it, you can see and feel the love in everything. in every drop of rain and every grain of sand and every molecule of air we breathe. I believe that you have to love yourself. that you don't posses the capacity to love someone else unless you do. even though yourself can be the hardest person to love. I believe that only love can truly heal, not time. and that love can heal anything. I believe that love is more powerful than hate. that love is more powerful than any man-made weapon or act of God. that love is more important than money or pride. that love is the most important thing. and that without love, I would be nothing.

week eight: balance

I think this is week eight at least. my head and my heart have been spending time in other places, clearly. maybe I needed a break. I've always felt somewhat guilty about taking breaks, being lazy, not "accomplishing" anything. I never used to relax. I mean, I would sit on the couch and watch tv and drink a beer but in the back of my mind I'd be running through a list of things I should be doing. but I've learned if you don't let go and give yourself a little "me" time, or "us" time, or really just some time off from life and responsibilities... well the stress just compounds. there's plenty enough stress in my life at the moment, thank you.

a long weekend, my favorite old sweatshirt, couch time with Husband, a little less iPhone obsession, and some good food not cooked by me... I'm feeling more relaxed than guilty. ok, I may have done a load or two of laundry. and edited some photos. but I've also almost completed watching the entire second season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer [new, not-so-guilty pleasure] and managed to pick up my camera again.

life is about balance. I'm still working on it.

for better or worse

[sorry for all the mush. but, it's that one day of the year... you know.] 

last year, I was full. of. love. all February long. I was oozing with mushy feelings, excitement about the upcoming wedding and moving into our first 'home' together. the sickly-sweet gushy stuff that makes people want to vomit. [not that there's anything wrong with feeling or expressing things in that manner from time to time] it's easy to be in love when 'things' are going well. planning a wedding together, building a home, the honeymoon, friends sending well wishes and gifts, great career opportunities ahead, and financial security.

this year [or really, the past six months] I've been experiencing the other side of love. the side they don't usually write about, or idealize in movies. but it's the side that really counts: what happens when things get tough.

I'm being intentionally vague, but a taste of life lately includes: stress and uncertainty. not knowing where to go next. events that make you question everything. family members falling ill. death. the very likely possibility of becoming a one-income household. plans that need to be made before we have the information to make them. failing cars and feeling sick. dirty dishes and no time to cook. and potentially spending six weeks of the summer on separate continents.

I'm not trying to make this a depressing, woe-is-me post. yes. life has not been ideal, idyllic, or easy as of late.

but it is still good. I am still loved. supported, understood, and taken care of. maybe the hard times bring you closer together. maybe I just feel it more now than I did then. I know that no matter what happens, how bad [or good] it gets, I have someone who will be there. every day.

there was a point, once, where I never thought I could love anyone or thing more than him. I was so wrong. because back then I didn't realize I could love more. I didn't realize that a person's capacity for love can be bottomless. that it can mature and expand and grow and never stop.

I fall in love with him. 
every day.
over and over. 
more and more.

seven years, and I'm still falling...

week 5, catch-up, and some love

[week 5]
love comes in many forms. Husband re-arranged our office last week, so that I could use it as a photography studio. and wouldn't have to move all our junk off the endtables and crouch on the sofa to do shoots for my blog. his idea. it works so much better! the room is open, with the desk against the window but two sides that I can shoot from. the bookshelf cubes work perfectly for holding up my cardstock. and the desk surface is light wood, not my dark endtables that sometimes turn out black. and when I'm not shooting? I actually have a nice place to sit and edit, or email, or blog.

I can feel the love just sitting here. how incredibly blessed am I, to have someone like him?  when I come up against an obstacle and can't find a way around, he's there. whenever I'm unsure about something, he gives me a much needed push. he helped me get my camera so I could follow my dreams, reminds me why I do what I do, checks me back into reality when I'm having a moment, and brags about me and my talents to all his friends and co-workers.

I've been complaining about the lack of light/space to work with for photos in our new space... probably ever since we signed the lease. our last place was a loft, with westward-facing floor to ceiling windows, and more gorgeous light than I could hope to know what to do with. but for the past year, I've been making do with a 2 x 2' corner of our shadowy living room. instead of, you know, doing something about it. but he saw it, and he knew. furniture rearrangements may not be what every girl wants for Valentine's Day, but it's exactly what I needed.

[the cats like it too]

we also received a very special package this week, which is part of the reason I'm behind on my extracurriculars. two special somethings that start with an "i" and end with a "Phone". more on that later, but I will say that I'm still taking app recommendations.

seven months of laughter

 today, I have been married for seven months.

when I first got my wedding photos back, I wasn't crazy about this one. 

we both have squinty-eye wrinkles. my nose is just... weird.

and my hair is half frizz half hairspray trying to combat frizz.

but now I get it. this is the real us.

imperfect. awkward. laughing our asses off.

I don't know what was happening at the time of this photo.

not because the day was such a blur I don't remember anything...

but because this is how we were the entire time: laughing.

there's a plethora of quotes out there that all basically say this:

the most important quality in someone that you love, is that they make you laugh.

I can tell you from my experience, it's true.

yes.

I love you, Daily Love. And I love that we agree on how a healthy relationship should function.

"The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you,
but to have another with whom you might share your completeness."
- Neale Donald Walsch

holiday review

last year when I returned from vacation, I was full of love and full of photos.

this year? not much different.

 

my super cool family. we had a great celebration.

food, laughter, wii marathons. and a lot of mexican dip.

my parents. the older I get, the more I appreciate them.

and the more I realize how like them I really am.

Husband. he's a punk, but I love him.

especially when he humors me and allows photo time :)

the photos are different, but what I said last year still holds true:

"there is so much love in my life. all I can do is open my heart, embrace it, and give it right back."

all you need is love

I love this song. 

 and it always seems to help me through a hard time.

maybe I'm a little cliche.

maybe I'm a hippy at heart.

but I believe in the power of love.