saturday morning thoughts

saturday morning. 8am. finally managed to drag myself out of my comfy bed and into my nikes. 65 degrees. 2 neighborhood laps. MGMT, Devo, Bowie, ACDC to cheer me on as my feet pound drag on the pavement. minor knee achy-ness. serious sweaty-ness. major feeling of accomplishment.

but the true test comes tomorrow. I've been trying to make a return to running for a while now, and just can't seem to stick. it's not the first day that's the hardest, it's the second.

I'm a bit behind on sharing news, so bear with me as I try to recap. in no particular order.
1. Colorado was amazing, relaxing, refreshing. exactly what I needed. many mountainous photos are in the queue for editing.
2. I've been thinking of deleting my tumblr, as I haven't been using it. and pinterest. and maybe even twitter. oh, and the baking blog is also on the chopping block. [like you were surprised?]
3. Husband comes home in FOUR DAYS! and this place is just about as big of a disaster as it was when he left. must fold laundry. must vacuum kitten tumbleweeds.
4. thank goodness Katie prefers to sleep on my couch instead of my laundry table futon. she came to stay for a week and we indulged in a museum and musical weekend in the city, along with quiet nights at home with wine and a selection of Buffy.
5. I created a photography website. or rather, I should say I started one. I made myself a set of watermark images and brushes. and as soon as the bride gets her photos, I will be sharing some here! [it's only fair she gets to see them first] BUT I can give you a sneak at the watermark... more on the name later.

going soft.

week 20. hallelujah screens and gradients. 

week nineteen: ouch

sometimes, we fall down. even when we are trying hard to do something good. like waking up at 6am to train for your 1/2 marathon. sometimes we fall down hard. into gravelly potholes. and we scrape our knee for the first time in what feels like 20 years. and suddenly remember why kids cry so much when that happens. that shit hurts. so we cry a little and get embarrassed and gimp home and feel like we've failed for the day because it was less than a mile into our run that the incident occurred.

then the next day comes. and we remember: we are adults now. we have lived through many scrapes and falls. we realize how lucky it was we were wearing long sleeves and running tights, and that we didn't fall on our face. we tell ourselves to be strong and persevere, that if a 6-yr-old can bounce back the next day so can a 26-yr-old, and that sweat in an open wound can't hurt that much.

so we strap on our shoes, and go run.

[just not down that road anymore.]

motivation, where are you?

it's noon on a saturday, and I was about to say I've done nothing. which is not entirely true. I booked Husband and I's first anniversary trip. I'm going back to the south... to Charleston this time!  more southern charm to explode my hard drive with.

No, I haven't edited Savannah photos yet. but I at least pared them down to under 200. and a few could probably live without editing. but of course I'm me, and I'll go back and edit them all anyway. [these have not been edited, and it almost makes me itchy to post them.]

confession: I drank Jamaican beer in Georgia. I was hoping to try out some local microbrews, but no such luck. when faced with the choice between Miller Lite and Red Stripe? no contest, baby. and yes they had Yuengling. but I was on vacation and felt I needed to drink something south of PA.

currently I'm feeling like this. hazy. and lazy. and unmotivated. I need to go run. but I'm also waiting for the car to finish being repaired. so I can't go anywhere until Husband is back from Crossfit. and I don't want to fall in another pothole. [or at least I'm using that for an excuse to not go running in the neighborhood.]

besides, I've got both kittens snuggling me right now. not. moving.

18 and life

week 18: sometimes... even if you aren't the one pulling the trigger, you're still the one behind the lens.

a quick recap

I'm not even going to tell you how many photos are sitting, unedited, on my hard drive from the Savannah trip. but I will tell you there are some real gems hiding in there. be patient.

I did, however, make it though the cousins visit photos. cousin's visits photos. photos of the cousins' visits. and so, a recap:

 

bolis.

giant jenga in galoshes.

 boom.

 

Harold's Deli.

a LOT of pastrami.

 

best damn margs ever.

 

beaster eggs.

 

sickeningly sweet adorableness.

[that also makes me really really happy]

 

and alligator oven mitts.

16 going on 17

[I know. you hate that song and it's going to be stuck in your head all day now.]

week 16 included many activities and festivities... mostly based around the visits of two cousins. 

there were bolis and beer. there was giant jenga. there was a beaster egg hunt. 

and an early birthday shopping trip for me:

I have many, many pair of flats. but I bought these for myself anyway. 

40% off, super comfortable and versatile [not to mention adorable], how could a girl say no?

somewhere between weeks 16 and 17, spring... sprang.

and then I woke up with this for a view. 

ah yes, vacation.
a visit to the lovely Savannah, GA.
short but oh so sweet.

  more to come soon from my trip, but I at least edited my week 17:

[I was going to crop it square to go with the instagrams but it just didn't seem right.]

this is me. in my favorite super worn-in and outrageously comfy MSU shirt and AE shorts from 2003.
drinking my morning coffee. staring at the ocean. soaking in the sunshine. happy as a clam.

I could have put a little more effort into this but... I was on vacation.

turn it up

week 15: volumization. brought to you by a humid day, instagram, and John Frieda.

[I should be packing right now for my trip to Georgia but I'm not. oops.]

lucky number 13

week thirteen. this is... perfect. stress and uncomfortableness and bad things closing in. the world tilts at an angle. I'm trying to go on as usual but my hair keeps falling down and there's a bright spot of light I can't control. nothing seems to be working. I can't look you in the face because you'll see the chaos in my mind and I can't be that vulnerable right now. I close my eyes and breathe. the perfect snapshot of my imperfect life.

sunday morning ritual

sitting here, once again, on a sunday morning. drinking french press, wearing the ever-faithful worn out MSU hoodie that has become my equivalent of a security blanket. staring at a blank screen, wondering what I should say and what I should not.

sundays are always a struggle for me. looking back on the week past, looking ahead to all the things in the week coming. the urge to relax and do nothing vs. the panic to be productive while I have the time. the guilt of not attending church services and disappointing my parents vs. the defiant conviction that going for someone else instead of myself would be meaningless. the need for more mileage vs. sore legs and swollen knee.

but that's just the nature of life. the world is a dichotomy. good vs. evil. male vs. female. the comfort of the familiar vs. the desire to explore the unknown. not just on sundays, but every day.

please excuse the philosophical tangent. back to your weekly recap:

my week started off all bright and shiny, golden sunrises on the way home from the gym and a sense of accomplishment before 7am. I don't understand how I woke up every morning for high school at 5:45am, yet trying to do so now feels near impossible. the alarm goes off and I inevitably try to talk myself out of going to the gym. "I'll run after work instead" sounds great until it's 7pm and you find yourself starving and exhausted and missing socks in your gym bag. I need to be better at remembering how great it feels to walk out of the gym after a morning run. the high you get from a good sweat. the calmness of no one else awake. and that whole not having to take 2 showers in one day thing.

unfortunately my work life had other plans for me. by tuesday afternoon I was clinging to sanity by my fingernails. thank goodness I had a friend at the precipice who also has a weakness for margaritas and gossip and shoe shopping. we left work early [and by early, I mean 5:30 instead of 6:30 or 7] and drowned our sorrows in frozen limey goodness and discount designer shoes. I even bought myself a pair of heels. which I actually desperately needed, since the last time I bought heels was 2008 and I don't actually posses any dress shoes that go with a summer dress. I have an obsession with flats. we can discuss that later.

later in the week I started experiencing knee pain and swelling. my knees are another story completely. to summarize: I had knee problems, thought I was clear, and now it feels like they are back. and with the pain comes a lot of emotional issues.

I was struck with a bad bout of indecision.  keep running and risk hurting yourself further vs. the humiliation of admitting defeat and quitting. I chose to run. I went out and did 5 miles yesterday. I wanted to vomit afterward. it was wonderful. so I rewarded myself with the first Rita's of the season.

as for the rest of the day? I have plans to play around with the little black beauty above. the newest addition to our photographic family. I love my little SD1000 but it was time for an upgrade. Husband is traveling to Turkey for 6 weeks this summer and this is what he'll be taking with him.

also, I have some cream cheese and butter coming to room temp so I can make a batch of these while simultaneously beating back the tentacled laundry pile beast.

elevensies

return of the yellow scarf. thought I'd give it a chance with the big girl camera.

Husband's away for the weekend so I've been relaxing, watching movies and basketball, and baking and... organizing. I can't help it. it's calming to me. I'm not quite through but I've got big plans for my baking cupboard.

I also went on a Target shopping spree. for, you know, organizational things. and maybe some excessive decorative things.

aaaand maybe the year's first pair of flip flops...

9 after 10

52 weeks project update: I'm still going. I'm still on my instagram kick. I'm still insanely busy but making it work. it seems this wound up being my week 10 photo, since I never got around to taking another one...

but what about week 9? I DID take a photo. I just never posted it. we've all been there, right? so insanely busy we forget what day or week it is? I took this on the train ride to NYC last weekend. I'm a huge sucker for sunflare, and I used two different treatments to really pump it up. on the way to see my best friend, having a good hair day, wearing my new Nine West purple pea coat I found on super clearance. I think it's actually one of the better instagrams I've taken. but then again it may just be my love for sunflare.

and for now I'm just recovering from a day of fun yesterday, drinking french press and catching up on blogs. contemplating posting to the baking blog. or maybe even baking something. I ran out of flour and sugar the other week and finally made time to buy more, but haven't even carried it up from my car yet. and it's raining. so I guess we'll see what happens.

in like a lion

today marks the start of a new month. the start of new habits forming. the start of my 1/2 marathon training. the start of positive thinking and the elimination of the word "can't" from my vocabulary. no doubting, no quitting. just kicking ass.

today, I woke up early. I went to the gym and ran. took the trash out on my way out the door. then cleaned the kitchen, made a smoothie for breakfast,  and packed a lunch. I killed a 10 hour workday and organized 137 sku's of finished goods standards.  pitched a whole lot of necessary junk.

instead of bemoaning all the issues I have to deal with, things I have to organize, and problems I have to solve... I'm going to own it. strong. powerful. fierce. that's right, March. I'm coming in like a lion. I'm even rocking a yellow scarf today.

yeah, a yellow scarf. me. imagine that.
I'm roaring back.

obsession.

I think my iPhone is taking over my life. this is the first time I've touched my computer in 3 days. I just don't need it as often. there's pretty much an app on my iPhone for anything I would do online: gmail, banking [I just deposited a check. from my phone], google, facebook, twitter, pandora, espn scorecenter, even the weather. and so many apps for things I never used before... my now-organized calendar, words with friends, runkeeper, and my newest obsession: instagram.

it's a photo program, better than the one I was previously using. snap, edit, post. and it also has its own twitter-like feed site. only it's photos. it's like the flickr version of twitter. but it can also feed into your twitter or flickr. and your facebook. or foursquare. or tumblr. [but not blogger. hmph.] I'm in love with all the cool, vintage-y filters. and slowly getting used to composing with a square in mind.

it makes it so easy to capture the moment. I can snap at any time because my phone is always with me. and I don't have to wait until I can upload and edit and sort and all that. don't get me wrong, I still have a deep love for my DSLR, and an appreciation for the work that goes into creating with that. but this is... easy. convenient. instantaneous.

I'm trying not to feel guilty about using another iPhone shot as my week 7. I told myself I was not going to be all strict and full of rules for this project, so that I would actually be able to keep up when life got crazy. [as in, the past two weeks] so I should not feel like this photo is cheating.

I love this necklace. the lovely Etsy seller who I bought my bridesmaids' necklaces from sent the charm to me as a gift with my order. [I did order 5 necklaces]. it's stamped with our wedding date. it has turned into that simple, easy, goes-with-everything necklace that I wear when I need a necklace but not something too distracting. or something that requires color-coordination and thought.

and that about sums up my week 7: iPhone snapshots. new wallet turned pretty vintage floral background. 63 degree weather. snuggly kitten. love. and cake pops.

new things

[week six]

new running shoes [nike of course] for the start of my half marathon training. I'm loving the shades of purple and gray. basically the latest and greatest version of my current shoes, in better colors. decided to break them in on the first outdoor run of the year! 

photo taken and edited on my new iPhone. counts as a selfie since yes, my feet are in them. I'm still playing around with a few editing programs [and a hundred other apps] and figured it was appropriate to use a new phone shot for this week's photo. I promise I will still use my camera. I am just in love with my phone. my only complaint is I can't blog from it.

I refuse to spend all my time on my phone and to quit blogging. or to become one of those blogs where every [sporadic] post is just an apology for not blogging often enough. 

still...

dear Blogger, please come out with an iPhone app. 

soon?

week 5, catch-up, and some love

[week 5]
love comes in many forms. Husband re-arranged our office last week, so that I could use it as a photography studio. and wouldn't have to move all our junk off the endtables and crouch on the sofa to do shoots for my blog. his idea. it works so much better! the room is open, with the desk against the window but two sides that I can shoot from. the bookshelf cubes work perfectly for holding up my cardstock. and the desk surface is light wood, not my dark endtables that sometimes turn out black. and when I'm not shooting? I actually have a nice place to sit and edit, or email, or blog.

I can feel the love just sitting here. how incredibly blessed am I, to have someone like him?  when I come up against an obstacle and can't find a way around, he's there. whenever I'm unsure about something, he gives me a much needed push. he helped me get my camera so I could follow my dreams, reminds me why I do what I do, checks me back into reality when I'm having a moment, and brags about me and my talents to all his friends and co-workers.

I've been complaining about the lack of light/space to work with for photos in our new space... probably ever since we signed the lease. our last place was a loft, with westward-facing floor to ceiling windows, and more gorgeous light than I could hope to know what to do with. but for the past year, I've been making do with a 2 x 2' corner of our shadowy living room. instead of, you know, doing something about it. but he saw it, and he knew. furniture rearrangements may not be what every girl wants for Valentine's Day, but it's exactly what I needed.

[the cats like it too]

we also received a very special package this week, which is part of the reason I'm behind on my extracurriculars. two special somethings that start with an "i" and end with a "Phone". more on that later, but I will say that I'm still taking app recommendations.

that face

the other night we popped in a movie and Husband was out cold in under 5 minutes. Rocky curled up on the couch next to him for warmth. I grabbed the laptop for a little interwebs distraction. Beau decided that sitting on my lap/arm while I tried to type was a good idea. I decided to document the moment via webcam. Beau looks rather handsome here. I'm definitely all frump girl in the back, with my million year old hoodie, stolen from Husband.

tangent: why is it, that no matter how many sweatshirts a girl owns, the most comfortable one in her closest actually belongs to a man?

shortly thereafter I gave up trying to type and moved the laptop aside. Beau snuggled in for a nice nap. I could hear Rocky snoring over on the couch. I was the only living creature awake. all was calm, all was quiet [except for the cat snores of course] Beau was literally curled around my arm, small paws bracing against my leg, fuzzy chin to the ceiling, that adorable tuft of black fur on his otherwise all-white belly exposed.

warm. soft. peaceful. heart-meltingly adorable.

the small moments like this remind me how much I love life.

week four: tape and paper

this week, my baking blog turned one year old. I decided to put on my crafty-nerd pants and make myself a paper birthday crown and some accessories.

[tangent: as I was cutting and taping, Husband told me "you are going to be such a good mother" because of "all the fun crafty things you can do". we are still 5 years away from the consideration of children, but it's nice to know he has faith in my future mothering abilities. some days I doubt I can take care of myself, let alone another life form. oh wait, the cats! ok, so I can handle 2 small furry creatures.]

this photo was not actually what I was going for with the shoot, but it was the one I ended up liking best. in fact, the whole thing was a little ridiculous. I was fighting off attention-needy kittens, the crown kept sliding off, and trying to hide the remote while keeping the props-on-sticks facing the camera was more difficult than planned. the lighting... let me just say: I miss my loft with 15 ft of windows. [even with the obnoxiously high heating bills] it's blurry, but everything that turned out in focus just looked awkward. and sometimes I just like blur better.

this one's grown on me though. I'm in a dark-vintagey-faded-with weird undertones processing phase. [I blame winter. just wait until spring, your eyes will be burning from all the bright, supersaturated colors.] [I bet you are also getting tired of tangents in parentheses too, huh?] and for some reason I look like I'm laughing. not just awkward-smiling. plus, if you crop out the left side of the photo and the #1, I kindof look like a fairy princess.

I'm just gonna go with it.

week three: morning light

week three. the challenge was 'morning'. 

this turned out a little more risque than I planned, so I'm not posting to the group this week. 

I tried it with clothes on. but bare shoulders just looked so much better than pajamas.

I woke up yesterday to scent of bacon and the sound of Husband making breakfast.

now that's a good morning.

week two!

I have so, so much to share about the past few days... things have been insane. in a good way : )

but first, let's talk about this picture: week two! and it's still a self-portrait!

You can't really tell, but I'm sitting on my new dresser. I went to IKEA. I bought a dresser that coordinates with Husband's (the taller one right next to mine). I did a TON of laundry. the laundry pile around here had really gotten out of control. it morphed into a monster. sleeve tentacles would reach out to trip me any time I walked by. but the beast was tamed, and I filled the dresser up. and now I can actually see the floor of my bedroom. and navigate my closet a little better, now that it's not so overcrowded.

I still need to figure out exactly what works best where, but for now things are put away and it's clean! huge step of progress. so that's why I'm all smiley and proud, hanging out on my dresser.

(uh, and I think I need to paint or at least hang something on that wall... so empty!)