[sorry for all the mush. but, it's that one day of the year... you know.]
last year, I was full. of. love. all February long. I was oozing with mushy feelings, excitement about the upcoming wedding and moving into our first 'home' together. the sickly-sweet gushy stuff that makes people want to vomit. [not that there's anything wrong with feeling or expressing things in that manner from time to time] it's easy to be in love when 'things' are going well. planning a wedding together, building a home, the honeymoon, friends sending well wishes and gifts, great career opportunities ahead, and financial security.
this year [or really, the past six months] I've been experiencing the other side of love. the side they don't usually write about, or idealize in movies. but it's the side that really counts: what happens when things get tough.
I'm being intentionally vague, but a taste of life lately includes: stress and uncertainty. not knowing where to go next. events that make you question everything. family members falling ill. death. the very likely possibility of becoming a one-income household. plans that need to be made before we have the information to make them. failing cars and feeling sick. dirty dishes and no time to cook. and potentially spending six weeks of the summer on separate continents.
I'm not trying to make this a depressing, woe-is-me post. yes. life has not been ideal, idyllic, or easy as of late.
but it is still good. I am still loved. supported, understood, and taken care of. maybe the hard times bring you closer together. maybe I just feel it more now than I did then. I know that no matter what happens, how bad [or good] it gets, I have someone who will be there. every day.
there was a point, once, where I never thought I could love anyone or thing more than him. I was so wrong. because back then I didn't realize I could love more. I didn't realize that a person's capacity for love can be bottomless. that it can mature and expand and grow and never stop.
I fall in love with him.
over and over.
more and more.
seven years, and I'm still falling...